MEGO: My Eyes Glaze Over

Sleep Like a Baby

Feb 12, 2009 Family and Friends, Parenting and More, Sleep

I’m done.  I am sick of the guilt. I am tired of the rules. Parenthood sucks. Well ok. It has it’s upsides : ) A lot of them. But, there are some deep valleys too. Like the morass of rules: “rule books”, rules of thumbs, and parental unwritten rules.  Want examples?

• Breastfeeding exclusively is best for baby the first 6 months, and in conjunction with solids for 12 months.
• Introduce solids at six months- not any earlier.
• Baby should have three naps a day.
• Baby will have two long naps and one optional third nap late in the day or into the early evening
• Introduce solids when baby shows interest by grabbing at your food, can hold and move is head away if he is not hungry,  loss of tongue reflex and ability to sit up on his own.
• Don’t put baby down at the top of the stairs unattended.
• Allow baby to cry she must learn to sleep on her own.
• Never allow a baby to cry alone in her crib, always check to see that limbs are not caught in bars or that baby isn’t tied up in the blankets
• Never allow baby to play with knives.
• Use Jumpers and Walkers sparingly limited to 15-20 minutes at a time.
• Don’t allow baby to fall asleep in swing, car seat or bouncy/rocker.
• Don’t rock, walk, sing baby to sleep it will set negative associations to sleep and will not help them learn to fall asleep on their own.

You got the point right. Some rules are obviously required, such as “never allow baby to play with knives”.   But, some rules are contradicted by others. Parenting information seems to be a big industry and there is a book out there on every possible angle of sleeping, feeding, guiding behaviour, and development.  And, there are even more moms out there willing to give away advice for free, and unasked.  Why do you think there are so many mommy blogs, mommy forums, mommy communities….because we all love to give our opinion, and admittedly we rely on each other too. Even if it means feeding the guilt.

Guilt.  I think all moms suffer from it. Every piece of neglected advice subjects you with a certain level parental guilt – as you wonder whether you chose the right course of action – the right rule.

With my first son I read every book, took every “Calling New Parents” seminar and spent time reading other advice from moms. When my first son woke every night, we tried all of the tips and hints. Pick-up, put-down. Rock. Swaddle, cry-it-out. And, in the end he refused to be trained. And, yes, we were consistent. We would try everything for four to six weeks. Most of the books claimed in a short time you would be able to “train” them to sleep through the night. Right. Didn’t work for him.

Then one night, a week before I went back to work – he slept through the night. Boom, just like that. At that time we had given up on training. My three year old is now an amazing sleeper. He goes to bed at 8 and gets up in the morning at 8. We can put him in his room, and he will either go straight to sleep – or read a book and then lie down and go to sleep. In the morning, he will either come into my room and say “Mommy it’s wake-e time”, or he will play quietly in his own room until I come to find him.

My second son is now 6 months old. Once again he seems to have Bear’s disease of waking up every two hours…and sometimes every hour. Another mom suggested reading a book by the Sleep Lady…so once again I am “sleep training”. I swore this time I wouldn’t fall for the guilt, the self-help mania, and oodles of mommy advice. But, 6 months of sleepless nights and I am willing to try ANYTHING.

All this to say, if you find my blog a little quiet these days – it is due to being up for hours on end “sh-sh-sh” my son, and standing in my “Shuffle” position for the “Sleep Lady Shuffle”. Currently, dear husband is on duty and I can hear via the monitor the boy ” wah wah wahing” and husband “sh-sh-shing”.  The good news is that naps are going really well – he sleeps for 1 1/2 hours in the morning and 2 hours in the afternoon – almost like clock-work. And, putting him down during the day is simple – put him in crib (in postioner – he likes to sleep on his side only) and then walk away. He cries for a moment – for as long as it takes you to walk to the stairs – and then silence. Night times are tougher. He cries a lot before he finally succumbs to sleep.  The first week I ws often up for an hour at a time, sitting in his room doing the shuffle. Now, two weeks later once asleep he is thankfully (knock-on-wood) sleeping relatively well. Most nights he wakes up once or twice, and more often just needs you to shift him in the positioner. In this case, “sleep training” worked. Just like all parenting rules some make sense, some don’t. Some work. some don’t. Some are good for some kids, and not for others.

I hope to be back and blogging regularly quite soon! Thanks for sticking around.

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Tags: babies, family, parenting, sleep